Wishes...

His name is Carson, he's the most adorable thing you will ever see.

 His eyes are so deep, and change dark colors. 

He has a lot of hair for a baby, he's absolutely gorgeous.

 I love him with all my heart and wish that he has the best in his life. 

The parents are struggling with things and aren't doing so well. I love my baby boy more than anything and i want the best for him.

A lot has happened to me in the last year. Lost someone very dear to my heart, made new bestfriends, new crushes, new grade, new rules, new age.. etc.

I lost someone very dear to my heart this past year. I am so confused about it still. It's just not the same without him. I miss him and love him so much. It was almost a year ago, it still hurts so much.

I made new bestfriends... They mean the world to me now and i love them so much! I still have my old ones that i hope to never lose.

My birthday was about 3 weeks ago, October 4th... a guy named Brandon asked me out on my birthday :) so cute! But it didn't work out... It was awkward and i guess he didn't know how to make things work. AND.. he was sooo square which sucked really bad! I ended it and then he went around telling everyone that he dumped me.. yeah OKAY BUD. And people think he fucked me... which he didnt... so its weird and AH.

I am OFFICIALLY 15 years old :) new rules to go along with that... my mom actually WANTS me to go party on halloween! LOL :)

Grade 10 really sucks but OH WELL.... I hate science and math and english and foods.... so i hate all my classes .. YAY.. (y)..  (n).

AND THERE WAS A LOT OF DRAMA THAT HAPPENED!!!!!! 

When you were younger you'd never expect your father to be murdered when you're 8 years old. But guess what? That happened to my bestfriend.

When you were younger you'd never expect your parents to get seperated when you're 14 then your dad say its your fault. But guess what? That happened to my other bestfriend.

When you were younger you'd never expect your father to try and commit suicide.

I'm 14. I don't know much but i know enough. People change as they grow older and relationships strengthen and weaken. Things that you didnt really think of when you were little are now your everyday. Fun times turn into memories. Memories fade. Love fades too, unless you fight for it. But guess what? My father didnt fight for it and so our love fades and guess what that leads to? Suicide.

Sometimes i do wish he died that day. I know thats an awful thing to say but its true and im not here to say fake things and write smileys all over my blog. Im here to give the truth even if it makes me cry.  I refuse to be fake and make you think my life is perfect because its not. Its far from perfect.

What you never expect.... Becomes reality.

Maybe i'll learn to speak Dutch like my Nana.

Maybe i'll fix all my wrongs and the past will be forgotten.

Maybe i'll survive until tomorrow just to see your beautiful eyes looking at me.

Maybe not.

Maybe in this life i will go scuba diving in Thailand like my Papa always told me we would.

Maybe i'll party like a rockstar in L.A before i die.

Maybe i'll get those Jimmy Choo heels to match my Jimmy Choo purse.

Maybe i'll save the ones i love from being hurt.

Maybe not.

Sometimes there are things we can do in this life, some things we can't.

This is a shout out to anyone who wasn't able to do what they wanted in the amount of time left that they have.

This goes out to Rachael Walters and ALexandra Sweet who lost their lives to cancer this year and last.

Two young beautiful girls at my highschool. Hopefully they checked off what they wanted before they left in peace.

Rest in Peace Forever. <3 I wish i got to know you two better. 

Tomorrow i have to get up on stage in front of my vocals class with a microphone and a spotlight. It's midterms. I'm singing a song called Blue Sky by Francesca Battistelli it's a beautiful song that i've loved since i first heard it. 

Let my LOVE be your BLUE SKY :)

Anyway (did you know it's not spelt with an 's'?) wish me luck because i'lll need it :D :S

ttyl

xoxo <3